September 2017

Wisdom Recipes 4Life: Insecurities & Confidence


The definition of insecurity is a lack of confidence or a lack of protection. Everybody has some level of insecurity; the goal is not allowing insecurities to keep you from participating in life. People of notoriety have credited their insecurities as the driving force of their success. Identifying and dealing with insecurities is the goal. It may benefit a person to reflect upon their past and figure out where the insecurity began. Sometimes we will have triggers relating to the past that affects our present moment, even if there is no reason to feel insecure or protect one’s self. Therefore, here are some suggestions for building confidence and losing insecurity.

The following five ways to build confidence and lose insecurity:

Insecurity Assessment – You can journal, talk to a trusted friend or professional counseling or both, and identify who, what, why, when, where, and how triggers a feeling of insecurity.  Also, figure out if there are outside circumstance causing insecurity and a need for protection.  Assessment is essential before you can make a change in your life and overcome insecurities.

Insecurity Evaluation – Insecurity could be considered a form of humility. Being humble and displaying confidence are both attractive qualities in a person. Like well-known actors and actresses who draw upon insecurities to perform well in scenes of a movie or play, you could channel your insecurity to appear, “acting as if” to display confidence to help you through challenging, fearful situations, such as speaking in front of a group of people. Once again, the goal is to be aware, but not hyper-alert by further preventing you from interacting with others and keeping yourself from experiencing new situations.

If you are particularly insecure around one friend or a group of friends, but you have other friends you feel comfortable being yourself, re-evaluate the relationships of the people you feel anxious around. Does your friend point out your insecurities or tell you how you should think and feel? If so, this a red flag that your friend may suffer from low self-esteem and needs you in his or her life to put you down to feel better about him or herself. We may never feel 100% comfortable around everyone or every situation. The goal here is to evaluate the times we are feeling insecure and learn innovative ways of gaining more confidence.

Planning – By developing a plan, short and long-range goals will help you overcome insecurities that are holding you back in life. Try to be creative in this phase of the process and figure out ways you can overcome insecurity and write it down. Talking to a counselor may help you to identify your vulnerabilities and come up with a plan to gain more confidence and protect yourself.

Implementation of Plan to Overcome Insecurities – After writing out a plan of short and long-term goals now is the time to put words into actions. If you want to start a new exercise program to lose weight and feel better physically, this will help you gain confidence by looking and feeling better. Introduce yourself into an unfamiliar environment. Have you been thinking about taking a college course or signing up for a class to learn a new hobby? Now is the time to start trying new things to build confidence. Twelve-Step programs and other spiritual resources suggest by praying and turning our will over to a Higher Power helps to build courage, strength, and gives us power when we are feeling powerless. Positive self-talk helps with building confidence. By talking yourself through a new situation, will help you to relax, let down your guard, and enjoying the moment.

Re-Assess and Adjustments – If you try something new and you do not like it, try something else. The idea is, “Progress, not perfection.” In this phase, you want to go back through your strategies to assess if you are gaining more confidence or remaining insecure. Remember, there is a difference between careless risk and self-protection. For example, you know a friend puts you down in front of a group of people or challenges everything you say and makes you second guess yourself, do not put yourself in this situation to try to gain confidence. You may need to lose a few people in your life, to help gain back the confidence you need.

Furthermore, it is important to identify who, what, why, when, where, and how triggers insecurities and look for ways to build and protect your self-worth to gain confidence by planning and implementation of short and long-term goals. By doing so, we strengthen the muscles of faith and start leading a more confident, purposeful life.

Suggested Reading

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson

The Five Second Rule by Mel Robbins


Des’ree, & Ingram, A. (1994). [Recorded by Des’ree]. You Gotta Be. Ashley Ingram. Retrieved September 17, 2017, from!2e8c6731d9c274bc4fcf47b7d9d42a07 (2017). The 5 Steps of the Nursing Process. Retrieved September 01, 2017, from

The Twelve Steps Program. (n.d.).

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